Is America Ready for a President Who Has Never Been Drunk?

Is America Ready for a President Who Has Never Been Drunk?

Dubaya was one thing - the man used to drink, way too much, and so decided to quit drinking. That I understand, even respect. But Romney has never been drunk, and so much of American history and culture can be traced back to alcohol ... can we survive a president who will steadfastly refuse to have a drink?

At the end of his first year in office, he may very well look like one of the (sadly many) Trinity undergrads whose heads I had to hold above toilet bowls:

"Second, the presidency is a stressful job. If the president has never smoked, drank, or used curse words, his first hundred days may end up being like freshman year of college. The White House RA may find Romney passed out on the floor in a pool of his own throw up because he wasn't able to handle the stress."

A reasonable concern, indeed! I also like this observation: "America also makes a lot more sense if you are drunk. For example, why are birth rates the highest in states where the obesity rates are the highest? Until you have been drunk, and lonely, and get unlimited mass texting on your phone, you will never know the answer."

Though I can understand why Mitt Romney (and his fellow Mormons) may never want to know the answer to that particular conundrum ...

Article by Will Newman, and published by the Huffington Post

Why Not? Seriously, Why Not??

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The Importance of Monsters

"5 Reasons Humanity Desperately Wants Monsters To Be Real"

Definitely not an uplifting article, but an important one, especially given how true it is. We need other people to be monsters, to de-humanize them - so we have a reason to be the worst kind of human we all crave.

Read the article, David Wong (editor of Cracked) makes a very good argument.

Article written by David Wong, and published by Cracked.com

My Brain Hates ... Me? Or Was It Another Guy?

A Cracked article following in the fine tradition of Cracked.com in pointing out precisely how our body and mind screws with us; specifically, through the formation of bad habits.

Sitting here at 3am, it's clear that #5 is especially dangerous for graduate students - "Your Brain Thinks Your Future Self Is a Different Person"

If this is the case, then not only does my present self not want my future self to have a good night sleep (so you know, I'm writing this at 3am), it apparently also hates my future self.

What a coincidence! As it so happens, my future self (soon to be my contemporary self) hates my past self, too. Everybody wins!

This really reminds me of the Calvin & Hobbes comic, where Calvin attempts, through time travel, to convince his future self that he should do his homework - but the future Calvin convinces him that his past self is the one to blame. Of course, they all end up fighting (and thus hurting each other), and 3 versions of Hobbes get the last laugh.


"5 Ways Your Brain Tricks You Into Sticking With Bad Habits" was written by Dennis Hoag and published by Cracked.com

Comic image is from Calvin & Hobbes, copyright Bill Watterson, and presented courtesy of the Calvin & Hobbes Wiki

Obama is NOT Getting My Vote!

.... to be the next antichrist. As Soren Bowie explains:

"Needless to say, those of us who expected Obama to reveal himself as the beast of sorrow and despair are more than a little disappointed. Instead, we got universal health care and environmental protection acts. And now he has the nerve to ask for another four years to get everything done. Yeah right, Barry. If you're not going to take this seriously, we'll wait for the next antichrist, thank you very much."

Read the article, it's quick, and very funny. 

 Article written by Soren Bowie, and published by Cracked.com

The Declining American Empire?

Today were two articles in the NY Times' Op-Ed discussing the recent outbreak of anti-American feelings in the Middle East, dealing heavily with the "Innocence of Muslims" video. The first article uses Salman Rushdie and the laughter associated with the Newsweek cover 'Muslim Rage' to point out why we really need to simply stand our ground:

The Satanic Video

While another article points out why the US needs to become accustomed to the fact of its status as a declining empire:

America's Inevitable Retreat From the Middle East

I agree with the idea that the US should not apologize for its culture - I actually agreed with what Romney said, that we should stand for our way of life. Unfortunately, he said it with crappy rhetoric and the worst timing possible. Freedom of Speech is one of the best defenses against tyranny, and we should not give it up, or turn our backs on it, simply because some people get pissed off by it. Obama's response was diplomatic, to be sure, but I would have liked it to include a small explanation about how American society functions - and that the government cannot (and absolutely should not) shut down freedom of expression, even if the persons in question are idiots.

The second article was inevitable - since 9/11, everyone has enjoyed pointing out that the American Empire is on its way towards collapse. This has included me on occasion, I admit. It definitely includes everyone in the Univ. of Toronto History Department - which is rather amusing, given how much Canada benefits from American imperialism, but I digress. The author makes a comparison between the evacuation of Saigon in 1975 with the US' withdrawal from Libya - except it doesn't work. The US retreated from Vietnam because there was no strategic reason to be there, except stop the "spread of Communism" - which by then we had realized was never going to be the case. Vietnam had no economic benefit to require an American presence - while the Middle East definitely does. That was why we went into Iraq, and why we will continue to maintain a visible presence in the Middle East for decades to come, with the accompanying cost. The author is right, however, in stating that the US has really screwed up in the Muslim world during the past 20 years, and clearly pointed out the folly of following colonialist imperialism in a post-colonial world.

What I like about Obama in regards to foreign policy is his willingness to follow different models to enable American success - but those different models should not include apologies for free speech or other protected American rights.

Salman Rushdie really put it best when he was on the Daily Show last week - the US needs to stand up for its intellectuals and artists, regardless of how good (or bad) they are. Further, John Oliver made a funny point that the Muslim world is the same today as Christianity was 600 years ago - the latter got out of it eventually, and the former will do the same. We may never see Mohammed depicted on a box of Wheaties or in a sliced tomato, but every religion gets a sense of humor eventually. We just have to be patient, stand up for ourselves when necessary, and cooperate - while never forgetting that we forged an American Empire for a damn good reason.

"The Satanic Video" was written by Bill Keller, and published by the New York Times. "America's Inevitable Retreat From the Middle East" was written by Pankay Mishra and also published by the NYT.

Why the Matrix Sequals Suck - And Make No Sense

10 Minutes After the End of 'The Matrix' Trilogy 

Really funny stuff, give it a read. Why yes, it is a Cracked article, why do you ask?

Article written by Luke McKinney, published by Cracked.com

Nothing Like Some Biting Satire To Heal Old Wounds

Freed slave who penned sarcastic letter to old master after he was asked back to farm pictured for first time

I love history for stories like this - a former slave writes a letter to his old master which is simply filled with satire, wit, and some very dark humor. Read the whole article - the research behind the letter is a story in and of itself, and the personalities involved are great. Only thing I will add is the text of the letter itself; the article puts it at the end, but I would have liked to have read it at the top:

Dayton, Ohio,

August 7, 1865

To My Old Master, Colonel P.H. Anderson, Big Spring, Tennessee
Sir: I got your letter, and was glad to find that you had not forgotten Jordon, and that you wanted me to come back and live with you again, promising to do better for me than anybody else can. I have often felt uneasy about you. I thought the Yankees would have hung you long before this, for harboring Rebs they found at your house. I suppose they never heard about your going to Colonel Martin's to kill the Union soldier that was left by his company in their stable. Although you shot at me twice before I left you, I did not want to hear of your being hurt, and am glad you are still living. It would do me good to go back to the dear old home again, and see Miss Mary and Miss Martha and Allen, Esther, Green, and Lee. Give my love to them all, and tell them I hope we will meet in the better world, if not in this. I would have gone back to see you all when I was working in the Nashville Hospital, but one of the neighbors told me that Henry intended to shoot me if he ever got a chance.

I want to know particularly what the good chance is you propose to give me. I am doing tolerably well here. I get twenty-five dollars a month, with victuals and clothing; have a comfortable home for Mandy,—the folks call her Mrs. Anderson,—and the children—Milly, Jane, and Grundy—go to school and are learning well. The teacher says Grundy has a head for a preacher. They go to Sunday school, and Mandy and me attend church regularly. We are kindly treated. Sometimes we overhear others saying, "Them colored people were slaves" down in Tennessee. The children feel hurt when they hear such remarks; but I tell them it was no disgrace in Tennessee to belong to Colonel Anderson. Many darkeys would have been proud, as I used to be, to call you master. Now if you will write and say what wages you will give me, I will be better able to decide whether it would be to my advantage to move back again.

As to my freedom, which you say I can have, there is nothing to be gained on that score, as I got my free papers in 1864 from the Provost-Marshal-General of the Department of Nashville. Mandy says she would be afraid to go back without some proof that you were disposed to treat us justly and kindly; and we have concluded to test your sincerity by asking you to send us our wages for the time we served you. This will make us forget and forgive old scores, and rely on your justice and friendship in the future. I served you faithfully for thirty-two years, and Mandy twenty years. At twenty-five dollars a month for me, and two dollars a week for Mandy, our earnings would amount to eleven thousand six hundred and eighty dollars. Add to this the interest for the time our wages have been kept back, and deduct what you paid for our clothing, and three doctor's visits to me, and pulling a tooth for Mandy, and the balance will show what we are in justice entitled to. Please send the money by Adams's Express, in care of V. Winters, Esq., Dayton, Ohio. If you fail to pay us for faithful labors in the past, we can have little faith in your promises in the future. We trust the good Maker has opened your eyes to the wrongs which you and your fathers have done to me and my fathers, in making us toil for you for generations without recompense. Here I draw my wages every Saturday night; but in Tennessee there was never any pay-day for the negroes any more than for the horses and cows. Surely there will be a day of reckoning for those who defraud the laborer of his hire.
In answering this letter, please state if there would be any safety for my Milly and Jane, who are now grown up, and both good-looking girls. You know how it was with poor Matilda and Catherine. I would rather stay here and starve - and die, if it come to that - than have my girls brought to shame by the violence and wickedness of their young masters. You will also please state if there has been any schools opened for the colored children in your neighborhood. The great desire of my life now is to give my children an education, and have them form virtuous habits.

Say howdy to George Carter, and thank him for taking the pistol from you when you were shooting at me.

From your old servant,

Jordon Anderson

The last line is what makes the letter. Damn. 

Article written by the Associated Press (AP), and printed by the Daily Mail Online.

Denis Leary: Prophet?

U.S. Priority on Illegal Drugs Debated As Pill Use Rises

The stats are staggering - in the US, cocaine was used by 1.5 million people, and heroin by 220,000 - but over 7 million people abused prescription drugs in the past year. While this hardly qualifies as a staggering fact, the release of this new data came at the same time when many outspoken officials on both sides of the debate have condemned the War on Drugs as a failure. The article quotes NJ governor Christie as agreeing with this statement, and even Pat Robertson, who as symbol of morality (for better or for worse) has condemned the prosecution of small amounts of marijuana, and has even joined the campaign to have it treated like alcohol. Further, the newly elected president of Mexico has clearly stated that his priority will be social treatment, rather than new efforts at law enforcement; he has further stated that he dislikes the US' strategy of ending drug use through enforcement, rather than looking at their own problem.

For me, the article allowed the formation of an image in my mind - specifically, will I see the day where there is no longer a War on Drugs? I don't think it's coincidental that so many voices have joined together to condemn this war, which has so little benefit - and if anything, is only encouraging the problem.

Finally, the tagline to this post is a reference to Leary's routine regarding legal drug use - in No Cure for Cancer, he jokes about how one can abuse legal drugs and get as good as, or in some cases, a better high off the legal stuff than you can on the illegal - and it's far easier to obtain, to boot. Further, I think the number the article quotes regarding the abuse of prescription drugs is lower than it is in actuality; does that number include the abuse of drugs like ritalin and adderall, which is becoming increasingly prevalent among students, as described by a recent NYT article?

We should simply end this War, and accept the consequences of that decision. I think it is possible to transition to an actually free society, where people can utilize whatever substances they like, as people use alcohol and tobacco now - with the caveat of a high tax on your pleasure. The abuse of prescription drugs is just as bad as abusing heroin, cocaine, or marijuana; the only difference is that drug companies have legitimate representatives and lobbyists in Congress.

Article written by Damien Cave & Michael S. Schmidt; published by the New York Times.

You're Doing it Wrong

Iowa teacher's aide fired for calling 'Huckleberry Finn' racist

I feel sorry for the woman in question, actually - she sounds a lot like Kevin Vaughn, someone ill-prepared for the pressure of being a visible minority in a place that is generally unaccustomed to them. I could also be making huge assumptions, that's absolutely possible.

Article courtesy of Fark.com; written by Clark Kaufmann of the Des Moines Daily Register.

Oh, Tourists. Yes, That Includes You.

Oh, tourists. Was walking around the Old Town today, and I came across a couple of large groups of British tourists. I'm rather happy that, due to the huge proliferation of British tourists in Europe during the last decade (thanks, RyanAir!), most people here and elsewhere have forgotten that Americans used to hold a monopoly on the "loud, obnoxious drunkards" crown. Makes going around Europe a bit easier for me. Of course, we're still the Imperialist Pigs With No Culture, but being from NYC somewhat cancels that out - except in Toronto, naturally. Envy and jealousy makes 'em meaner.

I saw the first group while at the Subway on ul. Bracka. They were talking really loudly about how difficult it was to be tourists in Krakow, and Scottish tourists in particular - here are some gems:

"The girls never paid attention to us!" Gee, I wonder why?

"That fuckin' Polish guy, he didn't know the difference between Scottish and British" You know, I could actually see that as a compliment. Though I imagine Manchester would punch me for saying that.

"And that French guy, he just dropped off the hash [we paid for] and didn't want to smoke with us, how fuckin' rude of him! Only because we're from Scotland" I had (and still have) no response to that, except to laugh hysterically. Thankfully, they didn't notice the tears running from my eyes while I tried to hold it in.

All the while two guys in their group are taking pictures constantly, especially of the ice machine, which had the trademark 'Scotsman'. Seriously, they took 5 pictures of it.

This was quite amusing to listen to, but seeing these packs of British men reminded me of conversations I had with Malgosia K. and others on the subject of tourist behavior. Specifically, why travel and eat and the same damn place you could eat at while at home?! It used to be McDonalds (and it still is), now it's Subway. I never understood that - if you're going to take the time and money to travel somewhere, why not eat the local food? Or at least try eating something that you can't get as often at home? Or just try something different? It's not like you're living there - if you live in a place, I completely understand eating at places which remind you of home. But after just a weekend away? No sense whatsoever, talk about a waste.

The other group I came across was at ul. Gołębia 3; as opposed to the first group, which was probably Scottish teenagers, this group was almost exclusively English professionals, and they were complaining that Poland didn't have more beers like their favorite bitters from back home. Another major point of contention for me - why go to another country if you're going to expect the same stuff that you got at home?! As Henio was saying yesterday, it's like going abroad and complaining that the toilet paper doesn't have as many different colors as your home version. That man explains these things far better than I ever will.

On Being Offended

Jim Norton On Offending People, Apologizing To Steve Martin & Why He Likes Westboro Baptist Church 

I hate the culture of being offended that is developing in the States, and exists full-blown in Canada. It's stifling our discussions and our creativity. Which is why I love quotes like this:

"Here’s what being offended is, it’s a phony sense of empowerment. People have lost this ability to go, “Wow, I didn’t like that, that bothered me. I won’t watch that again.” People have lost the ability to just not like something and walk away. People now feel that if they object to something, nobody else should enjoy it either. It’s because we’ve seen enough people say they’re sorry, we’ve seen enough people fired where people now feel that, “if I’m offended, I voice my offense, people have to listen to me.”

It’s a really weird self-centered attention-seeking device people use. So I never buy the offense. … I think 90% of it is a lie. People say, “I don’t like stereotypes.” Bullshit. You don’t like negative stereotypes. People don’t mind positive stereotypes. People don’t mind positive assumptions. It’s only negative assumptions about them. So their outrage is so arbitrary. And I’m embarrassed for us as a free society that we actually want people punished for saying things we don’t like. The liberals are bad and the conservatives are bad. The liberals say things like “Well, that’s homophobic, that’s racist.” And the conservatives say things like, “You’re attacking our religion. You’re attacking family values.” Both sides are equally fraudulent when it comes to supporting unpopular speech. It’s easy to support popular speech. We’re supposed to stick up for things that do bother people. The rest of us are supposed to rally around and defend people’s rights to say what they want to say. That’s why I like the Westboro Baptist Church. I think they’re repulsive people. I think their message is repulsive. But I think they are good for society because it shows exactly what we will tolerate in a free-thinking society. Even pigs like that, and they are pigs."

Walking Away is a concept which is rapidly disappearing,  as is supporting free speech in all its forms, even when you don't like it; especially when you don't like it. Hence why Canada and the UK don't have free speech, and the US is losing it, if it hasn't lost it already.

Article courtesy of Fark.com; Interview was between Jim Norton and Carol Hartsell, and published by the Huffington Post.